Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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