Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
