I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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