Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My pussy is not your playground.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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