Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize