he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
