did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
