Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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