yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize