You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
