my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
