i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
