The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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