I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
