dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
