let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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