I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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