He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
