take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
