I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
