I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
