today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize