i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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