I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
