Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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