my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
