So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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