you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
