Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
