I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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