i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
