my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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