Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
