What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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