Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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