Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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