Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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