i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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