Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize