he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize