I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
