i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
