Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
