dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
