I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
