I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
