apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
time to smoke my breakfast
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
