Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And then he peed in my hair
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