I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
