matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
