The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
