Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
