She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
