and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
