Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize