i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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