you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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