I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize