I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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