I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
