we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
