I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
