I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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