one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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