john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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