Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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