just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
