your thong is hanging out like whoa
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
