Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
