I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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