I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
